JOSHUA & JAMIE WAGGONER

This was the worst day of my life. It was a Monday morning, your Aunt Kim

and Uncle Richard came to the house early that day. I thought it strange

because they never come over that early. I'll never forget the looks on their

faces as I came out the door. Aunt Kim told me to sit down, I thougt something

had happened to grandpa. She told me there had been an accident, that it was

you. Then she told me you were gone. I don't remember much after that but as

the day went on, I finally was told that you had taken your own life. I didn't believe

them as I knew you would not do that to me. Even after an inquest, I still didn't believe

it. My heart just would not accept that you would do that. I thought someone had done

something to you. It's now been almost 4 years and now I realize that you felt you had

no choice. This life here was just to hard for you. I wish there was something I could have

done for you. I wish you would have talked to me and told me how you felt. I miss you more

than I ever thought possible. My life will never be the same again. I hope you have found

peace and happiness that you couldn't find here. I love you Joshua, more than life itself.

You will always be my little boy. Forever in my heart son.

Love, your mom

IT WAS ON A SUNDAY MORNING AT 10:17 THAT YOU CAME INTO THIS WORLD. SO TINY AT 3LB.7OZ. AND 13" LONG. WHEN I WAS ALLOWED TO SEE YOU, THEY WOULN'T LET ME HOLD YOU. I COULD ONLY TOUCH YOU THROUGH THE INCUBATOR. AFTER A COUPLE OF DAYS, I WAS ALLOWED TO GO HOME BUT, I COULDN'T TAKE YOU. THAT WAS SO HARD. FOR THE NEXT FIVE WEEKS I CAME TO SEE YOU EVERY CHANCE I GOT. YOU HAD TO LEARN HOW TO SUCK ON A BOTTLE AND THEY HAD TO MAKE SURE YOU HAD A GOOD OXYGEN LEVEL. FINALLY, THE DAY CAME TO TAKE YOU HOME. I HAD TO BUY A DOLL OUTFIT TO BRING YOU HOME BECAUSE NOTHING ELSE WOULD FIT. IT WAS YELLOW WITH BOOTIES AND A HAT. I STILL HAVE THESE THINGS. YOU HAD A FAVORITE BLANKET AND NEVER DID TAKE A PACIFIER. YOU WERE POTTY TRAINED AT 9 MONTHS AND GAVE UP THE BOTTLE AT 1 YEAR. WE HAD A FEW  HOSPITAL STAYS WITH PNEUMONIA AND A FEW SURGERIES BUT, FOR THE MOST PART, THINGS WENT WELL. YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL YOU WORE A RED SHIRT AND HAD A BLUE BOOK BAG. I CRIED THAT DAY AS I DIDN'T WANT MY BABY LEAVING SO SOON. AS YOU BECAME A TEENAGER, THINGS DID GET A LITTLE ROUGH. AS WITH MOST KIDS THAT AGE, YOU WERE A LITTLE SASSY AND YOU WENT THROUGH THAT REBELOUS STAGE. THEN YOU GREW UP AND BECAME THE MOST LOVING,GIVING,THOUGHTFUL PERSON. YOU LOVED TO PLAY BALL AND HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS. YOU WERE A HARD WORKER AND DID YOUR BEST TO GIVE YOURSELF TO OTHERS. YOU ALWAYS MADE SURE YOU CALLED ME WHEN YOU JUST WANTED TO TALK OR YOU WERE UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING OR JUST TO SAY " HI MOM ". THAT I REALLY MISS. THEN CAME THE DAY YOU LEFT THIS WORLD. THAT WAS THE HARDEST DAY OF MY LIFE. SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN. PARENTS ARE SUPPOSE TO GO BEFORE THEIR CHILDREN. SOON, IT WILL BE 3 YEARS AGO AND I'VE MISSED YOU EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY. ALL MY LOVE TO YOU SON.

                                                     MOM